How To Stitch Anarkali Churidar

[RPS German rap] A question of penguins [PG]

Title: A question of penguins
Author: Tabata
Rating: PG
Pairing: Fler / Chakuza
Genre: Humor
Alerts: Slash, Penguins.
Alerts: Vale for HMS Maouropia Treasure Hunt of fanfic_italia
Summary: 'E' was the penguin, "he exclaimed at the end. "It's not my fault."


A QUESTION OF PENGUINS

absurd thing happened today.
Not that yesterday, two days ago, or for that matter tomorrow, it does not have happened and will not happen just as absurd - because here the madness is the order of the day - but now that I am sure that to go around, perhaps because we believe it is still me and Fler, but certainly the people shake their heads and tell me I'm crazy, that he is crazy and should be illegal for us 're together, because our two crazy things together in a confined space which is home to us but could cause damage, especially to those around us. We are a potential cause of disaster, such as central close to the nuclear cities, melting the core and BAM! Pompeii two - version plutonium.
Our nuclear reactor explodes about twice a month and almost always do so for a problem of lack of communication of some kind that clearly prevents us from realizing that when the meltdown is coming. In practice, all of a sudden, we start talking about alien languages and play these surreal scenes in which Fler talk talk but for me it is as if he were the bubbles, like, I do not know and when I try to explain my point of view , we see that his ears perceive only growls or whatever. The conclusion is that no one presses the button of cooling, the reactor burst, and we salute you.
One of the biggest explosions took place this morning and I swear that I do not know exactly how it was possible, but the fault is no doubt of the penguin.
So, first of all should be clear that I do not have a good relationship with technology, in the sense that I hate her and hate me, and for most of the time when we are forced to relate, and I swear she does not work. It is not a matter of learning or not as we do things, is that as far as I can read and inform me, are not naturally predisposed towards new technologies. Let's say you are not compatible and are therefore forced to limit the use of items designed and made in the period in which they are born or in what precedes my birth because that function and all the rest do not.
Technology objects rebel against my person and refuse to enslave, are the new generation are the teenage version objects that I love, that I use and work with me.
Take for example the video recorder. I remember that was the first truly expensive items that my father had bought and I loved him. I cleaned it, polish it and I knew how to set any function, even the most useless in the instruction manual devoted two rows at the bottom, just to say something in writing about it was there. And he worked. He sent out the tapes, he sent her back, but I sometimes engages only had to open the door, carefully pull out the cassette, rewind the tape and to be friends like before, however sometimes it happens that a bind, the I can well understand. The video was simple and had no pretensions. When I had to do with a DVD player for the first time was a tragedy, because what he wanted from me things that I did not understand, buttons had not seen and did everything himself, which may seem a good thing as long as things work, but when enchanted, are headed in the mechanical equipment because you understand your logic where to put their hands, but with the circuits or those hateful things they have inside the new machines, you can not do nothing but bring everything back to the store where you bought it and hope it will not ask you a fortune to repair it.
Now I have made an example, but my problem extends to any device can have some type of improvement, however small, over the last ten years, which is to say, more or less. The only thing that really is good for me and for which I thank you a little 'anyone who has had to deal is the dishwasher, but only because I like to cook and I'm lazy, two characteristics that joined together in the same person lead piles of dirty dishes that touch the ceiling with no one to take care of them - but on the other hand, the dishwasher does not do much because the text has only three buttons and when the turn does not ask me anything, do not crash and never the ' I've never seen support you need to reboot to install updates off by itself and destroying hours of unsaved work.
These are all characteristics of my natural enemy: the computer.
the PC, I would have done without. I mean, I come from the mountains and even though I was born in the eighties, I spent my teenage years stuck to games that are not related to mice and keyboards, and anyway I do not care so I do not understand anything. I lived about twenty years of my life without seeing the screen of a computer outside of the classroom and I was fine.
Then, after school, I had quest'alzata talented not to do what they had studied and to give me to rap and to do that, nowadays, but also a day of yesterday, we need at least a mixer and now are all digital so, no, a recording studio and computer.
From there, my relationship with these infernal machines have been conflicting and sadly, instead of improving as it always happens with the use and practice, has gone worse. The computer that we had in the studio stopped working when we walked past. I entered in the room and he was restarted in protest. Stickle said that it was an electrical system problem, but unless I had an electric implanted on the back without knowing it, obviously that was the thing I hated him because he did not like that verse ever.
Then came the laptop, and even that was my choice. It was my birthday and I were together and Fler, like, three months. Shows me and tells me that this contraption is my gift - thanks, just what I wanted! - Smiling, happy, too. I was not that I could send it to us at that point because it was kind and also because, actually, I needed a computer at home so I finally caught the ball and I asked if Fler taught me how to use it. He has taken very well, a thing never seen before. The next day I found myself on the couch with tons of books on the subject and the expression of someone from there a few hours you will be taught how to even let you hand, a computer, with two pins and a charger. In reality, if only to understand how to set the password took me three weeks, but I did. Fler has succeeded where others have failed, has been patient - a lot of patience - and he invented this method which provided a fantastic prize every time that I understood something. My brain works better with the knowledge to get Fler lying on some surface whenever I can come to some logical conclusion.
Something, in short, thanks to him I understood and I am very happy. Or rather I was until this morning.
When I woke up, decided to approach my car with the devil in a more friendly and, thus, convince her to help me in my heroic deeds, I was still very proud of my little achievements: how to download mail, visit I read the pages of newspapers, browsing on YouTube and use the damn program I need to work first and that was not that close without saving implant or when saving or something else just to give me devilry on the nerves.
But when I opened the computer, He was there and looked at me full of enthusiasm and expectation as if any sane person to know and believe your laptop would be happy to turn it on and find him, where before There was a picture of Megan Fox as the background.
For him, of course, I mean the penguin. A penguin-penguin, blacks and those with yellow legs, sitting in the background of my computer. And was not there before, I am sure, otherwise I would remember him.
The first thing that comes to mind to do is restart, because it is the first thing Fler taught me and I remember quite well because it's easy. When something is wrong, please restart. And I reboot because the penguin is wrong. When the computer turns on, however, he is always there and its expression has not changed. I do not know what he wants from me, but I do not care. Megan Fox I want it.
Then try the control panel from which usually change the background image. I had a ticket somewhere, once, but who knows where it finished, so I go a little 'eye. It 's a What I often do, so I should remember, yet there is. And now that I look better, I realize that there are not many things that before were there, everything is different. The penguin, he is the cause. I know. The morning
the step to try to understand what makes this beast in my life and what I should do with him, if adopted, will try to kill him with anti-virus or repack the computer and take it to the store to see If you can make this penguin migrate somewhere else. But then, as I am preparing a coffee, I take that anger because there's a computer thing and has no brain, so I should be higher. Understanding how things becomes a matter of principle.
I take my cup, the support next to the keyboard and began to click anything I think might have some connection with the penguin, of course, three hours later I have not found anything that I needed, however, find the folders that I thought were disappeared. They only move or are under different names. After careful analysis, eight of the twenty books that Fler lent me and a few rounds on the Internet, I can understand that what I have before me is an operating system other than what I had before and that the penguin is the mascot or , and also has a name. Tux.
Know your enemy, they say. And I know, it's called Tux and took possession of my computer. Honestly, at that time of hate and anger, I do not even go to the hall of the brain that last night Fler was here and that probably it was he who installed the penguin while I cooked. For me, he appeared alone. The point is that I do not need anything elaborate conspiracy theories in a revolt of penguins take possession of another's computer, because both he and I stays there alone I can not uninstall it, so ... eventually compromises. To say that Tux can stay if he promises not to annoying, and then began to wander the net, trying to retrieve all messages, e-mail and stuff on Facebook that tells me I missed while on the enemy. Not that I keep an eye on everything that comes to me, it's just that if I delete several messages and several notifications, then I find that I have thousands and I come out alerts to all parties. While you are there, add a couple of links to my profile and change a few details that came to my mind two or three weeks ago but I never have wanted to attend to. And 'that's when the tragedy probably takes place, only that I do not even realize because even if the wild, not me personally to do so but my incompatibility with social networks. I am innocent.

*

Fler and I'll see you almost every day and if we feel we do not see the phone, even if he does not talk on the phone: are there with the phone in his hand and answered in monosyllables when you make a application. Basta. He can not express themselves if you do not look at your face, so in general we try to see us because I do the monologues never liked, and then I also feel a fool around the house and tell him what I did and what I have not done enough to hear him breathe and the other side. When did the cold like a maniac.
However, today I have not heard, not even a message, then look vedermelo check home at any moment. And there he is in fact about five rings, go to open with a smile that says it all, but he does not seem to appreciate. Log in pushing back and is so angry that I start to think they have done something really awful. "You could at least tell me in person!" I barking on him, with narrow eyes and lips.
"Tell you what?"
"But I have to learn from Facebook!" Continue. Then inhale, then. Fler When you breathe deeply because you have calm. And 'because if you do not inhale deeply to almost not having more air available to end losing control. "God, Chakuza, but you just bear!"
There are many things that I do not realize that I should not. Sometimes I say something and maybe I'm not even conscious that I know I'm saying that particular thing, but I do not understand that it can be understood in another way, or it could be said in another way, do not get there because if I had not at first intend to offend or make someone feel bad, it seems impossible this can happen, because I did not wanted. I do not know if I followed. So when it happens but then maybe I am surprised as me who is listening because I had not considered the possibility not to far away.
guess something like this happened. "What have I done now?" I ask. Maybe if I'll get straight answers direct questions and solve the problem much faster. Besides, if I hope to get there alone I made the mistake, we can also prepare to spend the winter in this room.
"What have you done?" He shouted. "What have you done?" He wanders about the room shaken with air. "Sometimes I do not know if you're really a jerk or an asshole if you're so shit that you just do not give a fuck to say shit that hurt people!"
I do not understand, and I swear I do not understand really. Fler, generally, when I fucked up she tells me in the face, insults and, in principle, it is proposed to strangle or strong crashing his head against some corner, but you never shake, that is never happened that went into the house and take a wander through my living room, waving his arms and looked at me incredulously as I had done something, then it may well be that I have done, but it is not swinging the arms in the air and repeating "I do not believe it! No, really, this is too much "that I will understand.
"Okay, you calm down a second?" And I try to say in a tone of quiet, not as one who wants something from him. If I am wrong I can not pretend, though expect the calm to understand what I just did not seem so out of touch.
"No I'm not calm," he yells, of course. "I do not quiet because you're shit and I do not know why I'm still here to tell you who you are, because it is obvious that you know of it! If you did not know it would mean that you're stupid and I can not think of you it is really so much! "
" Okay, "sighed resignedly. "I lost, really."
"Oh, you lost me there is no doubt," he exclaims, nodding to himself. "If you believe that you let this go, you're dreaming, Austria. With me and you'll be lucky if you've closed, meet in the street, do not strangle it with my own hands for the sake of seeing you fell down out of breath and shake your gambettine those vain! "
I could listen to him. I could go on starmene comfortable sitting here and waiting for the storm is over, I'm sure it will pass, because no human being can go on ranting circling in four square feet of space to infinity, only that I feel about myself the weight of a some kind of responsibility, was also the fact that I should try to calm him, or to justify ... or to bring it down, I do not know, something! Since, however, he is venting a mess and then I'm supposed to react in some way.
"But what do you do?" He asks, stopping and pointing at arm's length. "Nothing. You do nothing, of course. By now you have decided, without consulting me, without a explanation, and nothing much you enough. Do not you think that maybe I needed to hear something, right? No, I do not think about. "
I open my mouth to say something, like I have not yet figured out what he's talking about, but he freezes with a look scary, like a red ray from his eyes that m'inchioda where they are and makes me close my mouth.
"And do not try to foist the story you did not realize what you were doing because I do not believe anymore! In fact, I think you understand perfectly what you do but it gives you very convenient to go asshole! You can, say, create damage, and then all, of course, they run into them because you're done so. You did it the fuck! You are hurt, that's how you have done! "
He stops for a bit 'longer than before, so this time I need to recover his breath to speak. "Listen, whatever I did, I'm sorry, okay?" He said. "I just do not know what it is."
"You can not not know what it is, Chakuza."
I shrug.
He looks at me and still panting from the effort he made to fury against and shout at me look at me straight in the eye, as if expecting to see me to sell or do not know, take off the mask and smile mocking while I say "Okay, you made me, Fler! It was I who stole the diamond to the museum "as in some crime movie or something. Only that I did not steal anything and the best we can get the two of us, standing here staring at it is to hypnotize each other.
Eventually he gives in and makes him physically. Lowers his shoulders and his face also extends down the corners of the eyes bend in the boundless sadness that characterizes them whenever he does something really suffer and then let go sit on the couch with a sigh, so I resigned narrows the heart. I want to know what the hell I have done only a betrayal, I think, would justify un'incazzatura similar but not I have betrayed. I swear. Not even vaguely. I have not really thought, so I'm happy.
"Why do not you tell me you did not want to be with me?" He asks. And the question comes so unexpected and so absurd that the spot does not even understand the meaning. When, exactly, in the last minutes, hours, days, weeks or months, I have never expressed a willingness, even remotely, even jokingly, to give up? I do not remember and I am sure that if I did, I remember. "Pat," I say then, reassured. It 'obvious that this is a misunderstanding in this point. "I never said anything like that."
"No, because you did not you say!" Snapped again, but does not get up. "You looked good and told me! I should have known from Facebook, that if the case turned on the computer today is not even find him and maybe not even tomorrow or the next day and discovered that I spent a whole week ended up convinced to stay with you and instead maybe you're downstairs with the milkmaid "
" The milkmaid in the cas ... Patrick what are you saying? "
" This I am saying, "He gets up like a fury, and for a moment, I'm also afraid that I jump on you and me the shots, but he overtakes me, open your computer, you fiddle around a bit 'and then the screen shows. "This! Now justified, fuck, I just want to hear from you! "
I approach him and I must admit that I have a little 'scared because I do not know exactly what is in that computer and I can not guarantee that there is no porn in there even if I did not think that could give so much trouble Fler.
What he is showing me the screen is my personal page on Facebook, where they know absolutely nothing wrong with that. There is a post I made a few hours ago, almost overwhelmed by tons of others, and post the pictures that do not concern me, but on which, in spite of this, I am him / herself without mercy. So I would say everything is normal. "What?" I ask. The support hand on the wrist, but he draws back, I had not even point.
"Why what is it? Do not fuck with me, Peter! "
E 'at that point that I take the huge neck with one hand to be found and I practically rubs his face on the screen of the laptop, so that for a moment I see only dots of various color and little else. When he realizes that it can not expect me to see so close to me out a little 'and then the index is also known that presses on my personal information, especially on emotional situation. I do not understand yet what he wants from me, it says boyfriend. Only it's not really the case to take it if I have not specified, it is not that the world knows of us, or is ready to find out. It 's a matter of labels, as well as a chain of heart attacks in my family and hers. Not that all of a sudden we can say that there are gay rapper. And then we have already discussed and this is a quite acceptable solution, the world may know that we are not free men, but may not know why. Fine. So what's the problem have written Relationship Status: single ....
I cover at least three times to make sure that there is actually written. It should not. I mean, I know that what I wrote yesterday was not wanted. I have no claim, are innocent.
When I look at him, Fler crossed his arms to his chest but I think it is because they are measured in spans up to see if my body can be easily rolled up in the living room carpet. The answer is yes. Now imagine that strangle me or I will close the head in my laptop, so I will bring down on his back for two flights of stairs, wrapped in a carpet and throw me in the channel of Tempelhof, where my corpse, my tracks, my life and what little they possess and be lost forever. Who knows, maybe even accompany my mother to my empty coffin, telling her she was my best friend and she, of course, believe him because as you can not believe those big blue eyes?
"I can explain," I say. Not really, but it's the first thing that always comes out of his mouth when he combined some damage and he has to finish. Fler
looks at me in silence, as a monolith, and this does not help me because it is as if I believed from the outset, as she was sitting there and prove to me that whatever I say is doomed to fail.
Then I get an epiphany. 'S one of those moments in which the ascetic divine light coming down from on high by a skylight that you, in your house, you have never owned and t'illumina giving an aura of omniscience. "It 'was the penguin," he exclaimed at the end. "It's not my fault."
I am proud to say - even if I do not know exactly why there is pride in me on this - that Fler lost in an instant all that anger had pushed him so far and the grimace on his face that he is instantly replaced by a look of questioning so that I almost have to laugh but I do not because if I was lucky enough to get through to doubt dall'incazzatura it is better not defy fate and go there too with feet of lead.
"The penguin?" It's him, but then frowns again. "Look, I do not know what's going on in the brain, perhaps nothing as we are talking about you, but I do not care, ok? You are an asshole, I just want to hear that. Then I do the courtesy to take one of the boxes that are still closed with adhesive tape since you moved, empty of your junk, throw in items that I left here thinking, wrongly, that I wanted to spend more time and take it. I'll wait here on the couch and I try not to kill you. "
" No. "
" No? "And he says not as one who is asking you if you have heard, but as someone who cares to say that it is a six feet high and you do not.
"There's a penguin in my computer," say "and he changed everything. I can not find anything. He must have messed up in my things, that I must have messed but because of him, the penguin. "
Fler passing a hand over his face. The anger did not go really, but it is tired and discouraged, as when he brought her to my house to do the cleaning robot, one of those things that turn round and go alone. After less than two hours he was there he was forced to turn it off because that thing was not that I was always chasing me and I yell, trying to knock it down with a broom stick.
"Peter, please ..." expires at the end. "It's not dragging their feet, okay? It 's just more embarrassing. "
" I'm not pulling for long at all, I have not put that word and if I did not want to, "she replied firmly. Not often that I absolutely know to be right so that when it happens, I insist and nail with his teeth. "If I have to give up, I'll tell you in the face, not through an object that I can not use it? So I might as well be mounted on a biplane and trying to write in the sky with the wake of the plane! "
He smiles at that point, even if it does not seem so convinced.
"And why should I leave? You were here yesterday! We were right! "
Good in the sense that we ate, watched films, ate and fucked again and then did the dishes, and even worked a bit player '. Fler was here as if we lived here, and I liked it, so I do not see by what logic I had to take and decide that it did not go over well, all communicating via the Internet. Where is the logic in that? Okay I are often lacking, but the practical things I have it all right. I have it a lot! I am a chef, I have to be practical. However, I think I'm here to convince me alone, right now, which is not nice.
"I do not know why! Your brain does not work like normal people, Chakuza! Allow to think that I may as well go things like that? "That's exactly
. "Well, anyhow, no. I have not left. "
" Good. "
" Perfect. "
We remain silent for a long time, watching the room with an exaggerated interest. I see that in the upper right corner, just above the library, there is a spider so big it could eat only if both decide to do so and I think that maybe, maybe, but eh!, The case will give a clean after all this mess is over, if it ever ends. At the end
account the cracks on the wall and the ribs of the books scattered in the living room, the magazines stacked and jars of spices that I see on the shelves in the kitchen. I tried to count all the floor tiles but I lost count three times and then I gave up.
"What you then have to explain what the hell I got to do the penguin," he exclaims in the end, without even looking at me. Is staring at an indefinite point on the staff of the tent. When he turns his eyebrows bent towards each other. "As a penguin?"
"This!" Recovering the laptop, close all windows and here he appears in the middle of the screen, in my icons, with its air of bliss. He's in panciolle as if, because of her, I had just risked a disaster of cosmic proportions. "It's called Tux," I say, then that is the only thing that I really managed to find him and the operating system that brings with it. At that point
Fler begins to shake his head with a resigned sigh and exhausted, but smiling too. And 'the attitude that when they are particularly stupid, like when we fight with the dishwasher, take a bludgeoned his robot cleaning and I blame the TV if I'm not seeing what I want.
"How did you manage to do damage with Linux, Peter?"
"I did not do anything!" I protest. "I do not know where did out! Yesterday was not there! Maybe I got a virus. "
" Yes, the brain, "he says, hacking to restore my emotional status so that it covers. "Viruses do not change the operating system with a more functional. At best you rubbish what you have. "
" Ah. And then he finished as there is in there? "
" They will snuck through the USB ports, "he says seriously, turning the computer. "See? E 'come here and then climbed to the screen. "
" You you say? "
She looks at me wrong. "No, asshole, I installed it myself."
I opened his mouth, upset. This man here, this sitting on my couch last night took my laptop and hits us over without me noticing! The most surprising thing is that I do not see how it is possible because I was always with him. Fler must look in my eyes with the corner of my eye because, while pressing buttons and do God knows what, commented: "You sleep, you're kind collapsed foaming at the mouth after the second movie, and I was bored. I could have raped in their sleep or change the operating system and for some strange reason, I knew I'd create more problems with Linux. "
I look at him.
I look much more intensely.
I watch a lot harder than it has ever looked up to that point and, while we are narrowing his eyes to give a more laser burning my eyes.
He then looks up and laughs, so much so that when a cushion shot in the face does not even bother to cover. He gets right in and ride.
"And then I'm an asshole?" Comment.
"Well I have done the computer go faster, you left me on Facebook," his eyebrows are a fly on the forehead before returning to the place. "The two things are not even comparable. My social life they have been irreparably compromised. "
" What? "
" You must atone, my dear, "he insists.
I do not like that word. And with that I do not like: pay, forgiveness, penance.
Especially when it's not my fault if he does not get things that should be installed instead of abusing me while I sleep and I also do damage. I look at him and I'm afraid.
He looks at me seriously for a while 'on his face and then you open a grin that goes from ear to ear. "Perhaps if I go, I might decide to put your hand, the operating system. "
It takes me a bit 'to understand, and in those two or three minutes my wheels make a noise so annoying that I can not even to hear what I'm thinking, but then engage and grin while he grins more. I must atone for what I did not know, but he has to answer for a penguin. Tux
Fler puts to bed and closed the computer, I make my way casually into the room.
will be a long evening of explanation.
More or less.


Notes:
Ah! The penguins, these adorable animals.
So if you look for a meaning to this history, I fear who do not have. I needed the penguins to complete another piece of the map of Italy and the Fanfic Flerkuza has worked, kind as always.
And just because these notes are draining me. Not like I've got.